3  EXTERIOR - DAY





   ARTHUR and PATSY riding.  They stop and look.  We see a castle in the


   distance, and before it a PEASANT is working away on his knees trying


   to dig up the earth with his bare hands and a twig.  ARTHUR and


   PATSY ride up, and stop before the PEASANT





                               ARTHUR


       Old woman!





                               DENNIS


       Man!





                               ARTHUR


       Man.  I'm sorry.  Old man, What knight live in that castle


       over there?





                               DENNIS


       I'm thirty-seven.





                               ARTHUR


       What?





                               DENNIS:


       I'm thirty-seven ... I'm not old.





                               ARTHUR:


       Well - I can't just say:  "Hey, Man!'





                               DENNIS


       Well you could say: "Dennis"





                               ARTHUR


       I didn't know you were called Dennis.





                               DENNIS


       You didn't bother to find out, did you?





                               ARTHUR


       I've said I'm sorry about the old woman, but from the behind


       you looked ...





                               DENNIS


       What I object to is that you automatically treat me like


       an inferior ...





                               ARTHUR


       Well ... I AM king.





                               DENNIS


       Oh, very nice. King, eh!  I expect you've got a palace and fine


       clothes and courtiers and plenty of food.  And how d'you get that?


       By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist


       dogma which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our


       society!  If there's EVER going to be any progress ...





   An OLD WOMAN appears.





                               OLD WOMAN


       Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here ...  Oh!


       how d'you do?





                               ARTHUR


       How d'you do, good lady ... I am Arthur, King of the Britons ...


       can you tell me who lives in that castle?





                               OLD WOMAN


       King of the WHO?





                               ARTHUR


       The Britons.





                               OLD WOMAN


       Who are the Britons?





                               ARTHUR


       All of us are ... we are all Britons.





   DENNIS winks at the OLD WOMAN.





       ... and I am your king ....





                               OLD WOMAN


       Ooooh!  I didn't know we had a king.  I thought we were


       an autonomous collective ...





                               DENNIS


       You're fooling yourself.  We're living in a dictatorship,


       A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes ...





                               OLD WOMAN


       There you are, bringing class into it again ...





                               DENNIS


       That's what it's all about ...  If only -





                               ARTHUR


       Please, please good people.  I am in haste.  What knight lives in


       that castle?





                               OLD WOMAN


       No one live there.





                               ARTHUR


       Well, who is your lord?





                               OLD WOMAN


       We don't have a lord.





                               ARTHUR


       What?





                               DENNIS


       I told you,  We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune,  we take


       it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.





                               ARTHUR


       Yes.





                               DENNIS


       ... But all the decision of that officer ...





                               ARTHUR


       Yes, I see.





                               DENNIS


       ... must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority


       in the case of purely internal affairs.





                               ARTHUR


       Be quiet!





                               DENNIS


       ... but a two-thirds majority ...





                               ARTHUR


       Be quiet!  I order you to shut up.





                               OLD WOMAN


       Order, eh -- who does he think he is?





                               ARTHUR


       I am your king!





                               OLD WOMAN


       Well, I didn't vote for you.





                               ARTHUR


       You don't vote for kings.





                               OLD WOMAN


       Well, how did you become king, then?





                               ARTHUR


       The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite,


       held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify by


       Divine Providence ...  that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur ...


       That is why I am your king!


|


|                              OLD WOMAN


|      Is Frank in?  He'd be able to deal with this one.


|


                               DENNIS


       Look,  strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out


       swords ... that's no basis for a system of government.  Supreme


       executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from


       some farcical aquatic ceremony.





                               ARTHUR


       Be quiet!





                               DENNIS


       You can't expect to wield supreme executive power


       just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!





                               ARTHUR


       Shut up!





                               DENNIS


       I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some


       moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would


       put me away!





                               ARTHUR


           (Grabbing him by the collar)


       Shut up, will you. Shut up!





                               DENNIS


       Ah! NOW ... we see the violence inherent in the system.





                               ARTHUR


       Shut up!





   PEOPLE (i.e. other PEASANTS) are appearing and watching.





                               DENNIS


           (calling)


       Come and see the violence inherent in the system.


       Help, help, I'm being repressed!





                               ARTHUR


           (aware that people are now coming out and watching)


       Bloody peasant!


           (pushes DENNIS over into mud and prepares to ride off)





                               DENNIS


       Oh, Did you hear that!  What a give-away.





                               ARTHUR


       Come on, patsy.





   They ride off.





                               DENNIS


           (in the background as we PULL OUT)


       did you see him repressing me, then?  That's what I've


       been on about ...

• Monty Python and Holy Grail