View: Funny Exam Answers
Paul Merton Quotes
My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years
From: have I got news for you
Angus Deayton: [missing headline round] What turns blue in fridge?
Paul Merton: Queen Mother!
Angus: [mishears something Paul says] Half an hour on a giraffe?
Paul Merton: No, not right now I've got to do this.
[pause]
Paul Merton: I wouldn't mind half an hour on a giraffe though. Very sexy animals, giraffes
Angus: You don't need to tell me.
Paul Merton: Yeah, they can see when the police are coming so when they get there you can say, "No, it's nothing." I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the pictures and that. You'd always get some bloke complaining that he couldn't see the screen. "It's a giraffe, mate. What d'you expect?". "Well he can take his hat off for a start!"
Paul Merton: [while Anne Robinson is guest-hosting]
[yells out at random points]
Paul Merton: Bank!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't he said, 'Do you mind if I mug you here?'.
My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.
