Funny Christmas Poems
Funny Christmas Poems and quotes
at Amazon.co.uk
at Amazon.com
News item, 24 December:
A sleigh-load of foreigners, obviously seeking asylum in Australia, was turned back from entering Australian waters by the navy, Immigration Minister Mr Phillip Ruddock announced today.The foreigners included an old bearded man, a number of short accomplices (referred to, apparently, as "elves") and several reindeer.
They were prevented from entering Australian waters around Christmas Island.
The Prime Minister, Mr John Howard, congratulated the navy on their actions
in intercepting the queue-jumpers.
"Our security sources have uncovered these asylum seekers' plans, once in
Australia, to go to every city and town - indeed, they had intended to visit
every house! Fortunately, we have foiled their scheme. Who knows what
terrible things would have happened if they had not been stopped in their
tracks?"
"We alone, and not some foreign do-gooders, will decide who is allowed into
this country."
(the rest is best sung to a well-known tune by J. Fred Coots & Henry
Gillespie)
Santa Claus Was Coming To Oz
Christmas in OZ
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better be good
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to Oz
He's coming across
The water tonight
Got lots to give
Everybody, that's right
Santa Claus is coming to Oz
The navy's gone to meet him
Have they brought Christmas cake?
They don't know if he's bad or good -
He's been stopped, for goodness sake!
His sleigh is too small
He's got a strange crew
Has no passport
He's jumping the queue
Santa Claus was coming to Oz
He grows a long beard
He wears foreign clothes
Security risk
The government knows
Santa Claus was coming to Oz
He throws elves in the water
To sneak in our country
The PM says it's all on film
And that's good enough for me
They've taken him off
To Tuvalu shores
He won't bother me
Or you any more
Santa Claus ain't coming to Oz
You better watch out
There's no Christmas Isle
In Australia no more
I'm telling you why:
Cause Santa Claus ain't coming to Oz.
Copyright; David Peetz
Funny Christmas Quotes
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.
We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.
Dave Barry
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
- Katharine Whitehorn, Roundabout
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping
There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.
W. J. Cameron
Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
- More Funny Christmas Poems
Other Christmas Poems featuring T.S. Eliot and Gerard Manley Hopkins
