Shakespeare jokes

William Shakespeare is having a grand celebration for the 400th anniversary of his death. Shakespeare is literally everywhere at the moment, and it’s not just in the hundreds of words he helped push into the English language. We have Shakespeare’s Guide to Poisoning Plants, Shakespeare Insults, Shakespeare’s Guide to Parenting and even Shakespeare’ Guide to winning at Scrabble.

“Now is the winter of our discount tent” – Richard III

I wish I could write a serious post sufficiently literary to mark the occasion, but in the world of Shakespeare, I am a bit of a failure. The only Shakespeare I read was Macbeth and that only because it was on the GCSE English reading list. My thoughts at the time of reading Shakespeare was probably something along the lines of: “He has a good turn of phrase every now and then, but I think sometimes he could express himself a bit more clearly”

I took up Economics, I was no loss to the department of English Literature.

I do like the odd Shakespeare joke though. I hope William would approve, apparently he had quite a sense of humour, but many of his jokes are lost on modern audiences because of changes in the English accent. Probably a good job because some of his jokes could be a little ribald for a GCSE English class.

One of my all time favourite jokes – probably because I heard it told by Peter Kay, with his typical infectious enthusiasm.

William Shakespeare walks into a pub, but the landlord says “Get out, you’re bard!”

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Noah who?
Noah’s the winter of our discontent.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Wherefore means.
Wherefore means who?
No, “wherefore” means “why.” How many times do we have to go over this?

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Et who?
Et tu, Brute? Then fall, Caesar!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Shelly who?
Shelly compare thee to a summer’s day?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mike who?
Mike Ingdom for a horse.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Julius Caesar.
Julius Caesar who?
Julius, seize her! She’s the one who stole my wallet!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Ferris who?
Ferris foul and foul is fair.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mike who?
Mike Ingdom for a horse.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Arthur who?
Arthur world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.

Did Shakespeare even create the Knock Knock Joke? This is from Macbeth

Here’s a knocking indeed! If a man were porter of Hell Gate,
he should have old turning the key. [Knock] Knock, knock,
knock! Who’s there, i’ th’ name of Belzebub? . . . [Knock] Knock,
knock! Who’s there, in th’ other devil’s name?

Macbeth Act 2, scene 3, 1–8

Knock Knock joke using quotes from Macbeth

Knock Knock. (Macbeth)

Who’s there? (Hamlet)

Who dares. (Cymbeline)

Who dares who? (Timon of Athens)

Who dares do more is none! (Macbeth)

How many Henry VIs does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to do it in three parts.

How many Macbeths does it take to change a light bulb?
I wouldn’t know. Every time he sees a working light bulb, he yells, “Out, out, brief candle!” and smashes it to bits.

Other Shakespeare jokes


If you have any good Shakespeare jokes, add them or link in comments.

2B or not 2B excepted.

Shakespeare insults

Shakespeare invented many words, he seemed especially fond of insults.

Shakespeare has given many memorable insults, “Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous.”, “You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!”, “Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!”

William Shakes-pear Puns


William Shakes Pear

Toupee or not toupee?


3 responses to “Shakespeare jokes”

  1. “We’re I the Moor, I would not be Iago…” (Iago, from Othello, Act I, Scene 1”.

    “I yam what I yam,” (Popeye).