Archive | humour

The Irish Sailor who didn’t know how to pray

Before becoming president, Abraham Lincoln was a lawyer. Often he used humour to get the attention of a judge whom he needed a favour.

On one particular occasion, Lincoln was anxious to get the attention of the judge, he announced: “May it please your Honor, I am like the Irish sailor, and beg your Honor to excuse me for this hurried interruption.”

The line worked. The judge asked Lincoln to explain his ‘Celtic sailor’ analogy.

Lincoln responded:

Well, an Irish sailor was overtaken at sea by a heavy storm and he thought he would pray but didn’t know [how], so he went down on his knees and said: ‘Oh, Lord! you know as well as meself that it’s seldom I bodder ye, but if ye will only hear me and save me this time, bedad it will be a long time before I bodder ye again’.” (The Log Cabin Sage)


For some reason, it reminds me of a joke where there is a great flood, and a very pious man starts praying to God to save him. A few minutes later, a boat comes by and the pious man – says “No Thanks. I have prayed to God, and he will come and save me soon”. The boat leaves. Another 30 minutes and a helicopter flies by, but again the pious man says “No thanks. God always listens to my prayer, he will come and save me.”

Another hour passed and the sea levels continued to rise and the man drowned. When he got to Heaven, he couldn’t understand why God didn’t save him, so St Peter enlightened him – who do you think sent the boat and helicopter?!

 

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Greece the home of football

Recently, I had the good fortune to visit Greece.

Greece is not just a beautiful country but also the cradle of – Western civilisation, the Olympics, democracy, and association football.

Football may come as a surprise to students of history, because many erroneously believe football to have been invented by the British around the start of the Nineteenth Century.

But, in fact, five centuries BC and Archimedes had already discovered the joyful abandon of kicking an old ball of leather around the Pantheon during a debating contest with Pythagorus (an early proponent of the 2-4-2 triangle formation)

Unfortunately, these early football games were strictly limited to the brightest minds of the age; only those with a firm grasp of Aristotelian ethics were allowed to enter the field of play. Continue Reading →

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Parks and Recreation – best of American comedy

Generally, I’m not a fan of American comedy. But, I like Parks and Recreation a lot. It has very good characters and a good mix of gentle satire and sometimes is very funny.

As a vegetarian, yoga practising, socialist, my favourite character is Ron Swanson, the carnivorous, yoga hating, capitalist.

A close second is Andy Dwyer, I haven’t laughed out loud so much, since the first time I watched Fawlty Towers. It’s sometimes reminiscent of Monty Python in terms of being out there.


Continue Reading →

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Shakespeare jokes

William Shakespeare is having a grand celebration for the 400th anniversary of his death. Shakespeare is literally everywhere at the moment, and it’s not just in the hundreds of words he helped push into the English language. We have Shakespeare’s Guide to Poisoning Plants, Shakespeare Insults, Shakespeare’s Guide to Parenting and even Shakespeare’ Guide to winning at Scrabble.

tent-shakespeare-joke

“Now is the winter of our discount tent” – Richard III

I wish I could write a serious post sufficiently literary to mark the occasion, but in the world of Shakespeare, I am a bit of a failure. The only Shakespeare I read was Macbeth and that only because it was on the GCSE English reading list. My thoughts at the time of reading Shakespeare was probably something along the lines of: “He has a good turn of phrase every now and then, but I think sometimes he could express himself a bit more clearly”

I took up Economics, I was no loss to the department of English Literature.

I do like the odd Shakespeare joke though. I hope William would approve, apparently he had quite a sense of humour, but many of his jokes are lost on modern audiences because of changes in the English accent. Probably a good job because some of his jokes could be a little ribald for a GCSE English class.

One of my all time favourite jokes – probably because I heard it told by Peter Kay, with his typical infectious enthusiasm.

William Shakespeare walks into a pub, but the landlord says “Get out, you’re bard!”

Knock Knock Jokes


Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah’s the winter of our discontent. Continue Reading →

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The journey of one hundred thousand paces begins with

I try to have a few more meditations on Christmas Eve. It’s a good feeling as the world slows down and becomes a little more reflective.

With the sun setting below the hills, I closed my door and burnt some incense. The pungent fragrance filling the room. Settled in the chair I felt unusually receptive for meditation. I started to chant AUM, AUM, AUM … – when from above, I heard an unexpected sound.

“The journey of one hundred thousand paces begins with a flat tyre and a broken fan-belt.” Continue Reading →

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The genius of Peter Kay

I’ve just finished watching car share by Peter Kay. It was a great comedy with a lot of newness. The thing I love about Peter Kay is

  • He is very funny
  • He is big-hearted spirit – you could enjoy watching Peter Kay, even without the jokes
  • The comedy is a rare blend of the surreal and laugh out loud farces of modern life – it doesn’t need excruciating embarrassment (The Office style) or high levels of swearing (like many comedians). It is just a very enjoyable, uplifting comedy

Peter Kay is careful not to over-perform – he is happy to wait quite a few years in between projects. The result is we have to wait longer than we would like, but when he does appear, there is great freshness and originality.

The comedy is a slow burner – it doesn’t look to get a high number of jokes, whenever the opportunity arises. The comedy lulls you into the sense you are watching normal life. When the comic moment comes at an unexpected time, it is doubly funny because it is unexpected and somehow much more ‘real’ than some sit-coms which need to ‘force’ the comedy. Continue Reading →

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Dentist Jokes

The Dentist

A man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to
extract a wisdom tooth.

“Eighty dollars,” the dentist says.

“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper
way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anaesthetic, I can knock
the price down to $60.”

“That’s still too expensive,” the man complains.

“Okay,” says the dentist, “you can save on anaesthesia if I simply rip
the tooth out with a pair of pliers. I can knock the price down to $20.”

“Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.”

“Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my
students do it without anaesthesia and a pair of pliers, I suppose I can
knock the price down to $10.”

“Marvellous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

Continue Reading →

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